Is Guilt A Primary Emotion

31 May Dealing with Powerful Feelings: Main vs. Secondary Emotions

When information technology comes to powerful emotions–like anger, frustration, and guilt–nosotros may not ever know what we're really dealing with. Nosotros may act out in anger, but really, we're afraid. We may sink low into guilt, but really we're in pain. Nosotros may lose it in frustration, but really, we're grieving.

In fact, these three emotions are what we call "secondary emotions," significant at that place are ordinarily deeper, even more powerful "primary emotions" feeding into them and making it difficult to actually identify, procedure, and work through what we feel so we tin can eventually be costless.

What is the deviation betwixt main and secondary emotions? Why is information technology important to sympathise and place these? How tin can we work through what nosotros're really feeling? And what impact can learning these things take for our relationships, family, and children?

My latest "3-Minute Therapy" video will teach you lot about primary and secondary emotions, and go you lot started on your own path to dealing and healing. Spotter it here, and bank check out the video summary, below.

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Dealing with Powerful Emotions: Main vs. Secondary Emotions

VIDEO SUMMARY

When powerful emotions arise, it tin exist tough to know what to do with them. In my practice, I run across this all the time, and it has helped tremendously to teach my clients about primary and secondary emotions.

The main principle here is that beneath all secondary emotions is always a primary, deeper, emotion. As we tap into that deeper emotion, we become to the source of what we're feeling instead of trying to manage our feelings from the surface.

Examples of secondary emotions include: anger, guilt, frustration, overwhelm, worry, irritability, anxiety. When we focus on dealing with these, the more surface, emotions, we are missing the mark. In fact, information technology can often intensify what we feel. For example, if I'g aroused at my child considering she ran into a busy street and I yell at her, it might help in the moment to scare her back to safety, merely if I stay angry, I'm just going to damage the human relationship. Instead, if I can identify the underlying primary emotions–in this case, fear–I can meet my daughter from a more than loving place of "I was so afraid when you did that," versus the angry place of "What were you thinking?!'

Chief emotions include fear, sadness, pain, grief, or even joy. These are deeper, more intense emotions, and if we can tap downward into these and FEEL them, it typically empowers us to approach our feelings in a calmer, more effective way.

Take anxiety for case. We may experience anxious, but actually, we are agape–afraid of losing something or someone, agape of not being good enough, afraid of personal harm or injury. Equally we tap into the primary emotion beneath the anxiety–fright–nosotros can then piece of work to FEEL the fear and deal with that core emotion, and then, we can choose to let information technology go. If we never identify and feel the fearfulness, we cannot and volition not let information technology go.

As we piece of work to identify the underlying emotions nosotros're really feeling, nosotros proceeds more power over our emotions and how to handle them. Non only volition this assistance us personally deal with life challenges and emotions; it's especially helpful for our relationships.

As nosotros identify that we are hurt or deplorable or in hurting because of the actions of others, we can then express that hurt or sadness or hurting instead of staying up in the acrimony or frustration that can too often damage relationships. And once nosotros learn these things, we tin then model and teach them to our children, as well.

Learn more about dealing with powerful emotions by watching my "three-Infinitesimal Therapy" video on How to Overcome Powerful Emotions: Experience" and reading my post Feel: How to Cope with Powerful Emotions.